So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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