That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Life is so much better after having sex.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
