at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
