just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
