Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I want to stick my p in your. b.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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