a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it was like eating out sand paper
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
