Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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