My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
