Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
