Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
