My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
