dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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