We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
