At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
