and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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