Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
