an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
