dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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