I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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