If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
