so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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