Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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