I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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