I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
