I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
