I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
