I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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