she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
