the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
