highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
