Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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