I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
