Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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