The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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