Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
