Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
