if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
