Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
