where does the pee come out of this thing
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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