FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
