last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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