You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
