she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
