ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
