Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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