new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
