yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am spending my child support on dildos
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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