wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
