He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
