uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
