did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
