Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
