A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I will be naked everywhere
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
